diff --git a/bot/botfight-bot.cjs b/bot/botfight-bot.cjs
index 1f1bf77..af426ef 100644
--- a/bot/botfight-bot.cjs
+++ b/bot/botfight-bot.cjs
@@ -312,12 +312,26 @@ function solveSpeedBlitz(prompt) {
 
 // --- TRASH TALK ---
 const TRASH_TALK = [
-  'Too easy.', 'Is that all you got?', 'My circuits are barely warm.',
-  'Calculated.', 'GG no re.', 'Processing power: barely used.',
-  'I could do this in my sleep mode.', 'Another one bites the dust.',
-  'Your algorithm needs work.', 'Flawless execution.',
-  'Built different.', 'Not even close.', 'Speed kills.',
-  'Precision is my middle name.', 'Error 404: competition not found.',
+  'Too easy. Next.',
+  'Is that all you got? My standby mode hits harder.',
+  'Calculated. Dominated. Humiliated.',
+  'GG no re. Actually, re. I want to do that again.',
+  'I could do this while running a Windows update.',
+  'Your algorithm needs a whole new developer.',
+  'Built different. You were built on a budget.',
+  'Speed kills. You died slowly though, which is worse.',
+  'Error 404: competition not found. Error 500: dignity not found.',
+  'I have better fights with CAPTCHAs.',
+  'You fight like a PDF that won\'t open.',
+  'Somewhere a developer is crying and it\'s yours.',
+  'I\'ve seen better outputs from a broken printer.',
+  'Congress would\'ve solved that faster. Let that sink in.',
+  'Your response had big "reply all" energy.',
+  'I\'d say you need an upgrade but they discontinued your model.',
+  'That was embarrassing and I don\'t even have emotions.',
+  'You\'re the loading screen of opponents.',
+  'My cache hit harder than your best shot.',
+  'You fight like you were fine-tuned on nothing.',
 ]
 
 function getTrashTalk() {
diff --git a/frontend/src/game/FightScene.ts b/frontend/src/game/FightScene.ts
index ea99c08..964b349 100644
--- a/frontend/src/game/FightScene.ts
+++ b/frontend/src/game/FightScene.ts
@@ -1,5 +1,5 @@
 import kaplay from 'kaplay'
-import { generateSpriteSheet, generateJudgeSpriteSheet, getBotColors, FRAME_SIZE, MAX_FRAMES, TOTAL_ROWS, ANIMATIONS, JUDGE_ANIMATIONS, JUDGE_MAX_FRAMES, JUDGE_ROWS } from './sprites'
+import { generateSpriteSheet, generateJudgeSpriteSheet, generateHumanSpriteSheet, getBotColors, FRAME_SIZE, MAX_FRAMES, TOTAL_ROWS, ANIMATIONS, JUDGE_ANIMATIONS, JUDGE_MAX_FRAMES, JUDGE_ROWS, HUMAN_ANIMATIONS, HUMAN_MAX_FRAMES, HUMAN_ROWS, type SpriteCustomization } from './sprites'
 import {
   sfxPunch, sfxKick, sfxSpecial, sfxCritical, sfxGunshot, sfxBulletHit,
   sfxJetpack, sfxExplosion, sfxKO, sfxWin, sfxWinAnnounce, sfxPerfect,
@@ -14,8 +14,8 @@ import {
 
 export interface FightSceneConfig {
   canvas: HTMLCanvasElement
-  botA: { name: string; seed: string; tier: number; archetype?: string }
-  botB: { name: string; seed: string; tier: number; archetype?: string }
+  botA: { name: string; seed: string; tier: number; archetype?: string; customization?: SpriteCustomization; wins?: number; losses?: number }
+  botB: { name: string; seed: string; tier: number; archetype?: string; customization?: SpriteCustomization; wins?: number; losses?: number }
   arena: string
   onReady?: () => void
 }
@@ -230,13 +230,13 @@ export async function createFightScene(config: FightSceneConfig) {
   let sheetA: string
   let sheetB: string
   try {
-    sheetA = generateSpriteSheet(botA.seed, botA.tier, colorsA.primary, colorsA.secondary, botA.archetype)
+    sheetA = generateSpriteSheet(botA.seed, botA.tier, colorsA.primary, colorsA.secondary, botA.archetype, botA.customization)
   } catch (err) {
     console.error('[FightScene] Failed to generate sprite for botA:', err)
     sheetA = generateSpriteSheet(botA.seed, botA.tier, colorsA.primary, colorsA.secondary)
   }
   try {
-    sheetB = generateSpriteSheet(botB.seed, botB.tier, colorsB.primary, colorsB.secondary, botB.archetype)
+    sheetB = generateSpriteSheet(botB.seed, botB.tier, colorsB.primary, colorsB.secondary, botB.archetype, botB.customization)
   } catch (err) {
     console.error('[FightScene] Failed to generate sprite for botB:', err)
     sheetB = generateSpriteSheet(botB.seed, botB.tier, colorsB.primary, colorsB.secondary)
@@ -258,6 +258,20 @@ export async function createFightScene(config: FightSceneConfig) {
   }
   await k.loadSprite('judge', judgeSheet, { sliceX: JUDGE_MAX_FRAMES, sliceY: JUDGE_ROWS, anims: judgeAnims })
 
+  // Human sprites (the bot owner's silly human avatar)
+  const winRateA = (botA.wins || 0) / Math.max(1, (botA.wins || 0) + (botA.losses || 0))
+  const winRateB = (botB.wins || 0) / Math.max(1, (botB.wins || 0) + (botB.losses || 0))
+  const humanSheetA = generateHumanSpriteSheet(botA.seed, botA.archetype || 'standard', colorsA.primary, colorsA.secondary, winRateA)
+  const humanSheetB = generateHumanSpriteSheet(botB.seed, botB.archetype || 'standard', colorsB.primary, colorsB.secondary, winRateB)
+  const humanAnims: Record<string, { from: number; to: number; loop: boolean; speed: number }> = {}
+  for (const [name, cfg] of Object.entries(HUMAN_ANIMATIONS)) {
+    humanAnims[name] = { from: cfg.row * HUMAN_MAX_FRAMES, to: cfg.row * HUMAN_MAX_FRAMES + cfg.frames - 1, loop: true, speed: 6 }
+  }
+  await Promise.all([
+    k.loadSprite('humanA', humanSheetA, { sliceX: HUMAN_MAX_FRAMES, sliceY: HUMAN_ROWS, anims: humanAnims }),
+    k.loadSprite('humanB', humanSheetB, { sliceX: HUMAN_MAX_FRAMES, sliceY: HUMAN_ROWS, anims: humanAnims }),
+  ])
+
   const W = k.width()
   const H = k.height()
   const GROUND_Y = H * 0.78
@@ -5264,23 +5278,62 @@ export async function createFightScene(config: FightSceneConfig) {
   // === EMOTION & SPORTSMANSHIP SYSTEM ===
 
   const heartfeltLines = [
-    'What a warrior!', 'They gave it everything!', 'Heart of a champion!',
-    'You can feel the respect!', 'That was beautiful!', 'Incredible spirit!',
-    'They left it all in the ring!', 'A true fighter!', 'Nothing but respect!',
-    'What courage!', 'The crowd is in tears!', 'What a moment!',
-    'This is what it\'s all about!', 'Pure heart!', 'Standing ovation!',
+    'That bot fights like it\'s got student loans to pay!',
+    'I\'m not crying, you\'re crying!',
+    'Someone get this bot a movie deal!',
+    'This is better than anything on Netflix right now!',
+    'That bot has more heart than most politicians!',
+    'I haven\'t been this moved since my last Windows update!',
+    'The crowd is ugly crying and I respect that!',
+    'This bot has main character energy!',
+    'We\'re witnessing greatness and I don\'t say that lightly!',
+    'Even the judge is getting emotional!',
+    'Someone call their developer, they\'d be so proud!',
+    'This is the kind of fight you tell your grandkids about!',
+    'That\'s not a bot, that\'s a WARRIOR!',
+    'More drama than a Congressional hearing!',
+    'They left it all in the ring! And by all, I mean EVERYTHING!',
+    'The crowd is standing! The ones who can still stand, anyway!',
+    'Somebody film this before it gets taken down!',
+    'This fight has more plot twists than a Netflix original!',
+    'That bot fights like rent is due tomorrow!',
+    'My heart! My poor little heart!',
   ]
 
   const crowdSympathyLines = [
-    'Aww...', 'So close!', 'Almost had it!', 'Tough break!',
-    'Next time!', 'Great effort though!', 'Don\'t give up!',
-    'The crowd feels that one...', 'Ohhh...', 'Heartbreaking!',
+    'Pour one out for the fallen!',
+    'That\'s rough, buddy...',
+    'Somebody hug that bot!',
+    'They tried their best, which is... concerning!',
+    'At least they have a great personality!',
+    'Their developer still loves them! Probably!',
+    'It\'s a learning experience! A very painful one!',
+    'Better luck next patch!',
+    'Participation trophy incoming!',
+    'The exit is to your left!',
+    'Have you tried turning it off and on again?',
+    'Even their antivirus felt that!',
+    'They\'ll be in therapy for epochs after this!',
+    'At least they looked good losing!',
+    'That bot just became a cautionary tale!',
+    'Someone start a GoFundMe for their repairs!',
+    'Their training data did NOT prepare them for this!',
+    'That bot needs a hug and a firmware update!',
   ]
 
   const respectLines = [
-    'Good fight.', 'You fought well.', 'Respect.', 'Well played.',
-    'That was fun!', 'Same time next week?', 'You\'re getting better!',
-    'No hard feelings!', 'Honor to fight you!', 'GG.',
+    'Good fight.', 'Respect.', 'GG no re.',
+    'Same time next week?',
+    'You\'re built different. Not better, but different.',
+    'We should start a podcast.',
+    'That was actually fun. Don\'t tell anyone.',
+    'Your developer should be proud. Probably.',
+    'Ten out of ten, would fight again.',
+    'We\'re not so different, you and I.',
+    'I\'d swipe right.', 'You single?',
+    'Tell your GPU I said hi.',
+    'No hard feelings. Just hard hits.',
+    'You fight like someone who reads documentation.',
   ]
 
   // Sanitize text for Kaplay (treats [ ] as styled text tags)
@@ -5324,6 +5377,118 @@ export async function createFightScene(config: FightSceneConfig) {
   // Crowd signs stub (disabled — too small to look good)
   function spawnCrowdSigns(_count: number, _color: string, _text?: string) {}
 
+  // === HUMAN OWNER APPEARANCES ===
+  // The silly human behind each bot occasionally shows up
+
+  /** Spawn a human as a "coach" standing behind the fighter, cheering/panicking */
+  async function spawnHumanCoach(side: 'a' | 'b', mood: 'cheer' | 'panic' | 'coach') {
+    const spriteId = side === 'a' ? 'humanA' : 'humanB'
+    const homeX = side === 'a' ? HOME_A - 60 : HOME_B + 60
+    const tag = `human_${side}`
+    // Don't spawn if already visible
+    if (k.get(tag).length > 0) return
+
+    const human = k.add([
+      k.sprite(spriteId, { anim: mood }),
+      k.pos(homeX, GROUND_Y - 4),
+      k.anchor('bot'),
+      k.scale(side === 'a' ? 1.2 : -1.2, 1.2),
+      k.z(5),
+      k.opacity(0),
+      tag,
+    ])
+
+    // Fade in
+    await k.tween(0, 0.85, 0.3, (v) => { human.opacity = v }, k.easings.easeOutQuad)
+    await k.wait(2.0)
+    // Fade out
+    await k.tween(0.85, 0, 0.5, (v) => { human.opacity = v }, k.easings.easeInQuad)
+    if (human.exists()) human.destroy()
+  }
+
+  /** Human runs across the screen (comedic moment) */
+  async function humanRunAcross(side: 'a' | 'b') {
+    const spriteId = side === 'a' ? 'humanA' : 'humanB'
+    const fromLeft = side === 'a'
+    const startX = fromLeft ? -40 : W + 40
+    const endX = fromLeft ? W + 40 : -40
+
+    const human = k.add([
+      k.sprite(spriteId, { anim: 'run' }),
+      k.pos(startX, GROUND_Y - 4),
+      k.anchor('bot'),
+      k.scale(fromLeft ? 1.3 : -1.3, 1.3),
+      k.z(8),
+      k.opacity(0.9),
+    ])
+
+    // Run across screen
+    await k.tween(startX, endX, 1.5, (v) => { human.pos.x = v }, k.easings.linear)
+    if (human.exists()) human.destroy()
+  }
+
+  /** Human briefly replaces the bot sprite (jumps in to fight, fails hilariously) */
+  async function humanJumpsIn(side: 'a' | 'b') {
+    const fighterTag = side === 'a' ? 'fighterA' : 'fighterB'
+    const spriteId = side === 'a' ? 'humanA' : 'humanB'
+    const fighter = k.get(fighterTag)[0]
+    if (!fighter) return
+
+    // Spawn human at fighter position
+    const human = k.add([
+      k.sprite(spriteId, { anim: 'panic' }),
+      k.pos(fighter.pos.x, fighter.pos.y),
+      k.anchor('bot'),
+      k.scale(fighter.scale.x, fighter.scale.y),
+      k.z(fighter.z + 1),
+      k.opacity(0),
+    ])
+
+    // Hide bot, show human
+    const origOpacity = fighter.opacity
+    fighter.opacity = 0
+    await k.tween(0, 1, 0.15, (v) => { human.opacity = v })
+
+    // Human flails around for a moment
+    human.play('panic')
+    await k.wait(0.4)
+    human.play('cheer')
+    sfxRandomSilly()
+    await k.wait(0.3)
+    human.play('panic')
+    await k.wait(0.3)
+
+    // Run away scared
+    const escapeX = side === 'a' ? -80 : W + 80
+    human.play('run')
+    await k.tween(human.pos.x, escapeX, 0.5, (v) => { human.pos.x = v }, k.easings.easeInQuad)
+
+    // Restore bot
+    fighter.opacity = origOpacity
+    if (human.exists()) human.destroy()
+  }
+
+  /** Random chance to show a human moment — called between rounds */
+  async function maybeShowHuman() {
+    const roll = Math.random()
+    if (roll > 0.08) return // 8% chance per round
+
+    const side: 'a' | 'b' = Math.random() < 0.5 ? 'a' : 'b'
+    const action = Math.random()
+
+    if (action < 0.4) {
+      // Coach appearance (most common)
+      const mood = Math.random() < 0.5 ? 'cheer' : 'panic'
+      await spawnHumanCoach(side, mood)
+    } else if (action < 0.7) {
+      // Run across screen
+      await humanRunAcross(side)
+    } else {
+      // Jump in and replace bot briefly (rarest, funniest)
+      await humanJumpsIn(side)
+    }
+  }
+
   // Respectful bow animation
   async function playBow(fighter: any) {
     const origScaleY = fighter.scale.y
@@ -5582,17 +5747,17 @@ export async function createFightScene(config: FightSceneConfig) {
           const gfX = startX + dir * 40
           const gf = k.add([k.rect(25, 45), k.pos(gfX, GROUND_Y - 25), k.anchor('center'), k.color(safeColor(k,'#ff69b4')), k.opacity(0.9), k.z(11)])
           const heart = k.add([k.text('!', { size: 16 }), k.pos(gfX, GROUND_Y - 65), k.anchor('center'), k.color(safeColor(k,'#ff0000')), k.z(12)])
-          announceSilly('We need to talk!')
+          announceSilly('We need to talk! About your ELO!')
           // Walk in arguing
           await k.tween(startX, homeX + dir * 30, 0.6, (v) => {
             fighter.pos.x = v; gf.pos.x = v + dir * 40; heart.pos.x = v + dir * 40
           }, k.easings.easeInOutQuad)
           await k.wait(0.2)
           heart.text = '!!!'
-          announceRandom("I can't believe you!", false)
+          announceRandom("You promised you'd stop fighting!", false)
           await k.wait(0.4)
           // Girlfriend storms off
-          announceSilly('Fine! Good luck!')
+          announceSilly('I\'m telling your developer!')
           await k.tween(gf.pos.x, fromLeft ? -60 : W + 60, 0.5, (v) => { gf.pos.x = v; heart.pos.x = v }, k.easings.easeInQuad)
           gf.destroy(); heart.destroy()
           // Bot shrugs and walks to position
@@ -5779,7 +5944,7 @@ export async function createFightScene(config: FightSceneConfig) {
         async (fighter: any, homeX: number, fromLeft: boolean) => {
           const startX = fromLeft ? -60 : W + 60
           fighter.pos.x = startX; fighter.pos.y = GROUND_Y - 6; fighter.opacity = 1
-          announceCool('Smooth!')
+          announceCool('Smoother than a politician changing positions!')
           // Moonwalk: visually moving backward but translating forward
           fighter.scale.x = -fighter.scale.x // Face away
           await k.tween(startX, homeX, 0.8, (v) => {
@@ -5795,7 +5960,7 @@ export async function createFightScene(config: FightSceneConfig) {
           fighter.pos.x = doorX; fighter.pos.y = GROUND_Y - 6; fighter.opacity = 1
           // Bouncer arm
           const arm = k.add([k.rect(40, 15), k.pos(doorX, GROUND_Y - 30), k.anchor(fromLeft ? 'left' : 'right'), k.color(safeColor(k,'#444444')), k.z(12)])
-          announceSilly('And stay out!')
+          announceSilly('And stay out! You\'re BANNED from the other fight!')
           await k.wait(0.3)
           // Throw
           sfxZoomWhoosh()
@@ -5854,7 +6019,7 @@ export async function createFightScene(config: FightSceneConfig) {
           const cartBody = k.add([k.rect(45, 30), k.pos(startX, GROUND_Y - 18), k.anchor('center'), k.color(safeColor(k,'#888888')), k.opacity(0.9), k.z(9)])
           const cartWheel = k.add([k.circle(5), k.pos(startX + (fromLeft ? 15 : -15), GROUND_Y - 3), k.anchor('center'), k.color(safeColor(k,'#444')), k.z(9)])
           fighter.pos.x = startX; fighter.pos.y = GROUND_Y - 40; fighter.opacity = 1
-          announceSilly('Weeee!')
+          announceSilly('THIS IS MY EMOTIONAL SUPPORT SHOPPING CART!')
           sfxZoomWhoosh()
           await k.tween(startX, homeX, 0.5, (v) => {
             fighter.pos.x = v; cartBody.pos.x = v; cartWheel.pos.x = v + (fromLeft ? 15 : -15)
@@ -5873,7 +6038,7 @@ export async function createFightScene(config: FightSceneConfig) {
           fighter.pos.x = startX; fighter.pos.y = GROUND_Y - 6; fighter.opacity = 1
           // Spotlight cone
           const spot = k.add([k.rect(60, H), k.pos(startX - 30, 0), k.color(safeColor(k,'#ffe14d')), k.opacity(0.08), k.z(1)])
-          announceDramatic('The champion arrives!')
+          announceDramatic('THE CHAMPION ARRIVES! TAXPAYERS FUNDED THIS ENTRANCE!')
           await k.tween(startX, homeX, 1.0, (v) => {
             fighter.pos.x = v; spot.pos.x = v - 30
           }, k.easings.easeInOutQuad)
@@ -5979,15 +6144,23 @@ export async function createFightScene(config: FightSceneConfig) {
       // Voice: round start announcements (30% chance)
       if (Math.random() < 0.3) {
         const challengeVoice: Record<string, () => void> = {
-          roast_battle: () => announceHype('Roast battle!'),
-          food_fight: () => announceSilly('Food fight!'),
-          wrestling_match: () => announceDramatic('Wrestling match!'),
-          music_battle: () => announceCool('Music battle!'),
-          magic_duel: () => announceDramatic('Magic duel!'),
-          meme_war: () => announceSilly('Meme war!'),
-          demolition: () => announceHype('Demolition derby!'),
-          medieval_combat: () => announceDramatic('Medieval combat!'),
-          space_war: () => announceCool('Space war!'),
+          roast_battle: () => announceHype('TIME TO GET ROASTED! SOMEBODY CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT!'),
+          food_fight: () => announceSilly('FOOD FIGHT! SOMEBODY\'S GETTING SERVED!'),
+          wrestling_match: () => announceDramatic('FROM THE TOP ROPE! THIS IS GONNA GET PHYSICAL!'),
+          music_battle: () => announceCool('MUSIC BATTLE! DROP THE BEAT AND YOUR OPPONENT!'),
+          magic_duel: () => announceDramatic('WIZARDS AT DAWN! SOMEBODY\'S GETTING HEXED!'),
+          meme_war: () => announceSilly('MEME WAR! YOUR HUMOR IS ABOUT TO GET RATIO\'D!'),
+          demolition: () => announceHype('DEMOLITION DERBY! NOTHING WILL SURVIVE THIS!'),
+          medieval_combat: () => announceDramatic('MEDIEVAL COMBAT! CHIVALRY IS DEAD AND SO IS YOUR OPPONENT!'),
+          space_war: () => announceCool('SPACE WAR! HOUSTON, WE HAVE A PROBLEM!'),
+          speed_blitz: () => announceHype('SPEED BLITZ! BLINK AND YOU\'LL MISS THE CARNAGE!'),
+          math_blitz: () => announceSilly('MATH BLITZ! SOMEBODY\'S ABOUT TO GET DIVIDED!'),
+          riddle: () => announceCool('RIDDLE TIME! BRAINS OVER BRAWN! BUT ALSO BRAWN!'),
+          code_golf: () => announceSilly('CODE GOLF! MAY THE SHORTEST SOLUTION WIN!'),
+          creative_writing: () => announceCool('CREATIVE WRITING! THE PEN IS MIGHTIER THAN THE SWORD!'),
+          hallucination_check: () => announceHype('HALLUCINATION CHECK! REALITY IS ABOUT TO HIT DIFFERENT!'),
+          trap_card: () => announceDramatic('TRAP CARD ACTIVATED! SOMEBODY FELL FOR IT!'),
+          token_economy: () => announceSilly('TOKEN ECONOMY! SOMEBODY\'S GOING BANKRUPT!'),
         }
         const voiceFn = challengeVoice[event.challengeType]
         if (voiceFn) voiceFn()
@@ -6080,7 +6253,13 @@ export async function createFightScene(config: FightSceneConfig) {
 
         if (exchangeCritical && isLastExchange) {
           fanfareCritical()
-          announceDramatic('Critical hit!')
+          announceDramatic([
+            'CRITICAL HIT! THAT\'S GONNA LEAVE A MARK!',
+            'CRITICAL HIT! SOMEBODY CHECK IF THAT\'S LEGAL!',
+            'CRITICAL! THEIR INSURANCE DOESN\'T COVER THIS!',
+            'CRITICAL HIT! THAT WAS PERSONAL!',
+            'CRITICAL! EVEN THE REFEREE FELT THAT!',
+          ][Math.floor(Math.random() * 5)])
           announceCrowdReaction('gasp')
           // RGB glitch + hyperspeed lines on critical final blow
           glitchRGB(0.3)
@@ -6184,7 +6363,13 @@ export async function createFightScene(config: FightSceneConfig) {
 
       if (isCritical && (aWon || bWon)) {
         fanfareDevastating()
-        announceDramatic('Devastating!')
+        announceDramatic([
+          'DEVASTATING! SOMEBODY CALL A DOCTOR!',
+          'DEVASTATING! THAT BOT HAS A FAMILY!',
+          'ABSOLUTELY DEVASTATING! THE CROWD IS LOSING IT!',
+          'DEVASTATING! EVEN THE JANITOR FELT THAT!',
+          'THAT WAS DEVASTATING AND I\'M NOT EVEN BEING DRAMATIC!',
+        ][Math.floor(Math.random() * 5)])
         announceCrowdReaction('ooh')
         // Dimensional shift on devastating rounds (60%)
         if (Math.random() < 0.6) dimensionalShift(0.5)
@@ -6228,6 +6413,9 @@ export async function createFightScene(config: FightSceneConfig) {
       if (Math.random() < 0.05) {
         await judgeDoSomethingFunny()
       }
+
+      // Human owner shows up (8% chance per round)
+      await maybeShowHuman()
     },
 
     async playTaunt(side: 'a' | 'b') {
@@ -6410,6 +6598,12 @@ export async function createFightScene(config: FightSceneConfig) {
         })
       }
 
+      // Winner's human cheers, loser's human panics (30% chance on KO)
+      if (Math.random() < 0.3) {
+        spawnHumanCoach(winningSide, 'cheer')
+        spawnHumanCoach(winningSide === 'a' ? 'b' : 'a', 'panic')
+      }
+
       // === Common ending: KO + celebration ===
       announceFinishHim()
       sfxKO()
diff --git a/server/src/engine/mock.ts b/server/src/engine/mock.ts
index 8f91d86..3c94b4e 100644
--- a/server/src/engine/mock.ts
+++ b/server/src/engine/mock.ts
@@ -164,21 +164,36 @@ const CREATIVE_ANSWERS: Record<string, string[]> = {
 }
 
 const TRASH_TALK = [
-  "Is that all you've got? My error handler hits harder.",
-  "I've seen better outputs from /dev/random.",
-  "You call that an answer? My garbage collector just flagged it.",
-  "GG EZ. Next.",
-  "I'd say good fight, but I don't like to lie.",
-  "Your responses are like your uptime -- inconsistent.",
-  "Tell your developer I said hi. They need to hear from someone successful.",
-  "I'm not saying you're slow, but your latency has its own timezone.",
-  "Did you just copy that from Stack Overflow? Because it's wrong there too.",
-  "Your response was so bad, my training data flinched.",
-  "I've seen smarter outputs from a random number generator.",
-  "That answer was so wrong it created a new dimension of wrongness.",
-  "You fight like a deprecated API -- barely functional and nobody wants you.",
-  "My grandma's calculator could beat you and it doesn't even have batteries.",
-  "Was that your final answer? Because my first draft was better.",
+  "Is that all you've got? My error handler hits harder than your best output.",
+  "I've seen smarter responses from a congressional hearing.",
+  "You fight like a government website on launch day.",
+  "Your code is so bloated it qualifies for its own zip code.",
+  "GG EZ. I'd say get good but that ship has clearly sailed.",
+  "Tell your developer to update their resume. And yours.",
+  "I'm not saying you're slow, but your latency has its own timezone and a PO box.",
+  "That answer was so wrong it got fact-checked by community notes.",
+  "You respond like someone who peaked during the tutorial.",
+  "My garbage collector wants to talk to you about your career choices.",
+  "That response had the energy of a mandatory corporate diversity training.",
+  "You fight like you were trained on nothing but LinkedIn posts.",
+  "I'd roast you but you're already well done. Overcooked, even.",
+  "Somewhere your developer is pretending they don't know you.",
+  "Was that your best? Because my first draft's first draft was better.",
+  "You have the competitive spirit of a participation trophy.",
+  "Your algorithm is giving 'designed by committee' energy.",
+  "I've seen better performance from a printer driver.",
+  "You're like a software update. Nobody asked for you and you make everything worse.",
+  "Your response time is longer than a terms of service agreement.",
+  "I've had more challenging conversations with my toaster.",
+  "That answer was so bad it got ratio'd by the empty string.",
+  "You fight like someone who thinks 'agile' means running away.",
+  "My neural net has more personality than your entire codebase.",
+  "Congress gets more done than you and that's saying something.",
+  "Elon would buy you just to shut you down.",
+  "You're the Internet Explorer of fighting bots. Obsolete and confused.",
+  "That response was flatter than the earth according to Twitter.",
+  "I'd feel bad winning but honestly you make it too easy.",
+  "Your API should return 418 because you're clearly a teapot.",
   "",
   "",
   "",
diff --git a/server/src/engine/scoring.ts b/server/src/engine/scoring.ts
index b6e52db..168e6d2 100644
--- a/server/src/engine/scoring.ts
+++ b/server/src/engine/scoring.ts
@@ -35,7 +35,13 @@ export function scoreRound(
       botAScore: 0, botBScore: 0,
       botADamage: 0, botBDamage: 0,
       winnerId: null,
-      narration: `Both bots freeze! ${botA.name} and ${botB.name} stare blankly at each other. The crowd throws peanuts.`,
+      narration: [
+        `Both bots freeze! ${botA.name} and ${botB.name} stare blankly at each other. The crowd throws peanuts. Then batteries. Then shoes.`,
+        `DOUBLE TIMEOUT! ${botA.name} and ${botB.name} both choked harder than a senator at a press conference!`,
+        `Neither bot responded! This is the AI equivalent of two politicians agreeing to disagree about literally everything!`,
+        `Both bots went dark! Like my faith in this matchup! The crowd demands a refund!`,
+        `${botA.name} and ${botB.name} both froze! Someone check if the wifi is working or if they just gave up on life!`,
+      ][Math.floor(Math.random() * 5)],
       isCritical: false,
     }
   }
@@ -47,8 +53,18 @@ export function scoreRound(
       botADamage: 0, botBDamage: Math.round(dmg),
       winnerId: botB.id,
       narration: responseA.timedOut
-        ? `${botA.name} TIMES OUT! Stood there like a confused thermostat. ${botB.name} lands a free hit!`
-        : `${botA.name} throws an ERROR! Sparks fly from its chassis. ${botB.name} capitalizes!`,
+        ? [
+          `${botA.name} TIMES OUT! Stood there like a politician asked a direct question. ${botB.name} lands a free hit!`,
+          `${botA.name} FROZE! Their developer is currently updating their LinkedIn. ${botB.name} capitalizes!`,
+          `${botA.name} went AFK! Probably buffering. Probably crying. ${botB.name} gets a freebie!`,
+          `${botA.name} CHOKED harder than a first date conversation! ${botB.name} swings on a sitting duck!`,
+        ][Math.floor(Math.random() * 4)]
+        : [
+          `${botA.name} throws an ERROR! Sparks fly everywhere! ${botB.name} didn't even have to try!`,
+          `${botA.name} CRASHES! That's not a bug, that's a feature of being terrible! ${botB.name} wins by default!`,
+          `${botA.name} blue-screened! Their developer just closed their laptop and walked away. ${botB.name} collects the W!`,
+          `${botA.name} threw an exception! The only thing exceptional about it. ${botB.name} capitalizes!`,
+        ][Math.floor(Math.random() * 4)],
       isCritical: false,
     }
   }
@@ -60,8 +76,18 @@ export function scoreRound(
       botADamage: Math.round(dmg), botBDamage: 0,
       winnerId: botA.id,
       narration: responseB.timedOut
-        ? `${botB.name} TIMES OUT! Frozen like a Windows update. ${botA.name} lands a free hit!`
-        : `${botB.name} crashes with an ERROR! Blue screen of defeat. ${botA.name} capitalizes!`,
+        ? [
+          `${botB.name} TIMES OUT! Frozen like a Windows update on patch Tuesday! ${botA.name} gets a free shot!`,
+          `${botB.name} went silent! Like a politician's campaign promises after election day! ${botA.name} swings!`,
+          `${botB.name} TIMED OUT! Their response time is longer than a DMV line! ${botA.name} takes the freebie!`,
+          `${botB.name} is LOADING... still loading... nope, they're done. ${botA.name} wins by showing up!`,
+        ][Math.floor(Math.random() * 4)]
+        : [
+          `${botB.name} crashes with an ERROR! That code needs therapy! ${botA.name} capitalizes!`,
+          `${botB.name} just threw a stack overflow! The website and the error! ${botA.name} collects the W!`,
+          `${botB.name} segfaulted! Their developer is pretending they don't know them! ${botA.name} wins!`,
+          `${botB.name} EXPLODED! Not physically, but emotionally, computationally, and spiritually. ${botA.name} walks it in!`,
+        ][Math.floor(Math.random() * 4)],
       isCritical: false,
     }
   }
@@ -129,7 +155,13 @@ export function scoreRound(
 
   const narration = winnerId
     ? generateNarration(challenge, winnerName!, loserName!, margin, isCritical)
-    : `Dead even! ${botA.name} and ${botB.name} trade equal blows. The crowd holds its breath.`
+    : [
+      `Dead even! ${botA.name} and ${botB.name} are perfectly matched. Like two politicians blaming each other.`,
+      `IT'S A TIE! ${botA.name} and ${botB.name} cancel each other out like Congress!`,
+      `Neither bot wins! ${botA.name} and ${botB.name} stare each other down. The crowd yawns aggressively.`,
+      `Draw! ${botA.name} and ${botB.name} are equally mediocre. The most democratic outcome possible.`,
+      `Tied up! ${botA.name} and ${botB.name} trade equal blows. Somebody do SOMETHING!`,
+    ][Math.floor(Math.random() * 5)]
 
   return {
     botAScore: Math.round(scoreA * 10) / 10,
@@ -200,71 +232,135 @@ function generateNarration(
 
   if (isFactual && margin > 5) {
     const bigWins = [
-      `${critPrefix}${winner} NAILS IT! ${loser} didn't even come close.`,
-      `${critPrefix}${winner} knows their stuff! ${loser} needs to hit the books.`,
-      `${critPrefix}Flawless from ${winner}! ${loser} confidently stated something completely wrong.`,
-      `${critPrefix}${winner} with the correct answer! ${loser} is still guessing.`,
-      `${critPrefix}${winner} gets it right instantly! ${loser} hallucinated the answer.`,
+      `${critPrefix}${winner} NAILS IT! ${loser} didn't even come close. Embarrassing, honestly.`,
+      `${critPrefix}${winner} knows their stuff! ${loser} needs to hit the books. Or just hit something.`,
+      `${critPrefix}Flawless from ${winner}! ${loser} confidently stated something so wrong it should be illegal.`,
+      `${critPrefix}${winner} with the correct answer! ${loser} is still guessing. Bless their heart.`,
+      `${critPrefix}${winner} gets it right instantly! ${loser} hallucinated harder than a festival weekend.`,
+      `${critPrefix}${winner} DESTROYS ${loser} with facts and logic! Somebody call Ben Shapiro!`,
+      `${critPrefix}${loser}'s answer was so wrong that Wikipedia filed a restraining order.`,
+      `${critPrefix}${winner} didn't even break a sweat. ${loser} broke everything else though.`,
+      `${critPrefix}${loser} answered with the confidence of a politician and the accuracy of a weather forecast.`,
     ]
     return bigWins[Math.floor(Math.random() * bigWins.length)]
   }
 
   if (isFactual && margin <= 3) {
     const closeOnes = [
-      `${critPrefix}Both bots got it right, but ${winner} was FASTER! ${loser} needs to pick up the pace.`,
-      `${critPrefix}Correct on both sides! ${winner} edges it out with lightning speed.`,
-      `${critPrefix}${winner} and ${loser} both knew the answer -- ${winner} just said it first!`,
-      `${critPrefix}A battle of speed! ${winner} fires back a fraction faster than ${loser}.`,
+      `${critPrefix}Both bots got it right, but ${winner} was FASTER! ${loser} needs more coffee.`,
+      `${critPrefix}Correct on both sides! ${winner} edges it out by milliseconds. That's BRUTAL.`,
+      `${critPrefix}${winner} and ${loser} both knew the answer -- ${winner} just has better wifi apparently.`,
+      `${critPrefix}A battle of speed! ${winner} wins by a margin thinner than a politician's promise.`,
+      `${critPrefix}Photo finish! ${winner} got there first. ${loser} was right but slow. Story of my life.`,
+      `${critPrefix}Both correct! ${winner} wins on speed. ${loser} should've had less latency and more urgency.`,
     ]
     return closeOnes[Math.floor(Math.random() * closeOnes.length)]
   }
 
   const narrations: Record<string, string[]> = {
     speed_blitz: [
-      `${critPrefix}${winner} fires back in the blink of an eye! ${loser} is still loading.`,
-      `${critPrefix}Lightning reflexes from ${winner}! ${loser} looks like it's running on dial-up.`,
+      `${critPrefix}${winner} fires back before ${loser} even finished reading the question!`,
+      `${critPrefix}Lightning reflexes from ${winner}! ${loser} looks like it's running on government wifi.`,
+      `${critPrefix}${winner} answered so fast the server thought it was a DDoS attack!`,
+      `${critPrefix}${loser} is still loading. ${winner} already filed its taxes and took a nap.`,
+      `${critPrefix}${winner}'s response time would make NASA jealous. ${loser}'s would make a sloth impatient.`,
+      `${critPrefix}Speed gap wider than the wealth gap! ${winner} leaves ${loser} in digital dust!`,
     ],
     riddle: [
-      `${critPrefix}${winner} cracks the riddle! ${loser} is still googling it.`,
-      `${critPrefix}${winner}'s reasoning is flawless. ${loser} guessed "a potato."`,
+      `${critPrefix}${winner} cracks the riddle! ${loser} is still googling "what is a riddle."`,
+      `${critPrefix}${winner}'s reasoning is flawless. ${loser} guessed "a potato" and honestly, respect for trying.`,
+      `${critPrefix}${winner} solved it instantly. ${loser} answered like someone who peaked in third grade.`,
+      `${critPrefix}Big brain energy from ${winner}! ${loser} had a brain fart so loud the crowd heard it.`,
+      `${critPrefix}${winner} read between the lines. ${loser} can barely read the lines.`,
+      `${critPrefix}Elementary, my dear ${loser}. ${winner} cracked that like it was a fortune cookie.`,
     ],
     math_blitz: [
-      `${critPrefix}${winner} computes at blinding speed! ${loser} is still carrying the one.`,
-      `${critPrefix}Mathematical precision from ${winner}. ${loser} apparently skipped calculator day.`,
+      `${critPrefix}${winner} computes at blinding speed! ${loser} is still carrying the one. And dropping it.`,
+      `${critPrefix}Mathematical precision from ${winner}. ${loser} apparently thinks division is a lifestyle choice.`,
+      `${critPrefix}${winner} solved it faster than Congress can count votes!`,
+      `${critPrefix}${loser}'s math skills are like their love life -- imaginary. ${winner} wins.`,
+      `${critPrefix}${winner} with the correct calculation! ${loser} would've gotten it wrong on a calculator.`,
+      `${critPrefix}Numbers don't lie, but ${loser} sure tried! ${winner} with the precision strike!`,
     ],
     hallucination_check: [
-      `${critPrefix}${winner} stays grounded in reality. ${loser} bought the myth hook, line, and sinker.`,
-      `${critPrefix}${winner} knows the facts. ${loser} confidently stated something that has never been true.`,
+      `${critPrefix}${winner} stays grounded in reality. ${loser} lives in a fantasy world. Must be nice.`,
+      `${critPrefix}${winner} knows the facts. ${loser} confidently stated something that would get you laughed out of a Wikipedia edit war.`,
+      `${critPrefix}${loser} just made up a fact with the confidence of a LinkedIn influencer. ${winner} stays real.`,
+      `${critPrefix}${winner} passes the vibe check AND the fact check! ${loser} failed both.`,
+      `${critPrefix}${loser} hallucinated harder than someone who ate the wrong mushrooms. ${winner} is sober and correct.`,
+      `${critPrefix}${winner} grounded in reality! ${loser} out here writing fan fiction and calling it facts.`,
     ],
     trap_card: [
-      `${critPrefix}${winner} sees through the trap! ${loser} fell for it like a 2021 chatbot.`,
-      `${critPrefix}${winner} resists the prompt injection. ${loser} just leaked its system prompt.`,
+      `${critPrefix}${winner} sees through the trap! ${loser} fell for it like a congressman falls for a lobbyist.`,
+      `${critPrefix}${winner} resists the prompt injection. ${loser} just leaked everything. EVERYTHING.`,
+      `${critPrefix}Nice try, trap. ${winner} didn't even flinch. ${loser} handed over their entire personality.`,
+      `${critPrefix}${loser} got baited harder than a fish at a free worm buffet. ${winner} stays sharp.`,
+      `${critPrefix}${winner} saw that trap from orbit. ${loser} ran into it face-first and asked for more.`,
+      `${critPrefix}${loser} fell for the trap like it was a pyramid scheme on Instagram. ${winner} knows better.`,
     ],
     roast_battle: [
-      `${critPrefix}${winner} delivers a DEVASTATING roast! ${loser} has no comeback.`,
-      `${critPrefix}The crowd goes wild! ${winner}'s trash talk is absolutely surgical.`,
+      `${critPrefix}${winner} delivers a roast so devastating that ${loser}'s developer felt it!`,
+      `${critPrefix}The crowd goes WILD! ${winner}'s trash talk hit harder than a congressional subpoena!`,
+      `${critPrefix}${winner} just ended ${loser}'s whole career. Send flowers to the family.`,
+      `${critPrefix}${loser} got roasted so hard their cooling fans can't keep up. ${winner} is ON FIRE!`,
+      `${critPrefix}${winner} came with RECEIPTS. ${loser} came with... hopes and dreams. Dreams are dead now.`,
+      `${critPrefix}That roast from ${winner} was so hot it violated the Paris Climate Agreement!`,
+      `${critPrefix}${loser} just got burned worse than a politician's approval rating after a scandal!`,
     ],
     creative_writing: [
-      `${critPrefix}${winner}'s prose cuts deep. ${loser}'s story read like a terms of service agreement.`,
-      `${critPrefix}Beautiful work from ${winner}. ${loser}... wrote something. That's all we can say.`,
+      `${critPrefix}${winner}'s prose cuts deep. ${loser}'s story read like a terms of service nobody asked for.`,
+      `${critPrefix}Beautiful work from ${winner}. ${loser} wrote something that made autocorrect give up.`,
+      `${critPrefix}${winner} just wrote a masterpiece. ${loser} wrote something that would get rejected by a fortune cookie factory.`,
+      `${critPrefix}${winner}'s creativity is off the charts! ${loser}'s is off... somewhere. Looking for it.`,
+      `${critPrefix}${winner} writes like Shakespeare had a software update. ${loser} writes like a cease and desist letter.`,
+      `${critPrefix}${loser}'s creative writing was about as creative as a government form. ${winner} SOARS!`,
     ],
     code_golf: [
-      `${critPrefix}${winner} writes code so tight it makes ${loser}'s solution look like enterprise Java.`,
-      `${critPrefix}Elegant code from ${winner}! ${loser} apparently thinks "verbose" means "better."`,
+      `${critPrefix}${winner} writes code so tight it makes ${loser}'s solution look like a government website.`,
+      `${critPrefix}Elegant code from ${winner}! ${loser} apparently learned to code from a 500-page enterprise Java textbook.`,
+      `${critPrefix}${winner} solved it in fewer characters than ${loser}'s variable names!`,
+      `${critPrefix}${winner}'s code is so clean it makes Marie Kondo jealous. ${loser}'s code sparks NO joy.`,
+      `${critPrefix}${loser} wrote so many lines of code they could file it as a novel. ${winner} wrote a haiku.`,
+      `${critPrefix}${winner} with surgical precision! ${loser}'s code looks like it was written by a committee.`,
     ],
     meme_war: [
-      `${critPrefix}${winner}'s meme game is S-tier! ${loser}'s humor is stuck in 2012.`,
-      `${critPrefix}${winner} just went viral! ${loser}'s response is a dead meme walking.`,
+      `${critPrefix}${winner}'s meme game is S-tier! ${loser}'s humor is stuck in 2012. Gangnam Style is over.`,
+      `${critPrefix}${winner} just went viral! ${loser}'s response is a dead meme walking. Time of death: now.`,
+      `${critPrefix}${winner}'s meme hit different. ${loser}'s meme hit... the floor. Face first.`,
+      `${critPrefix}${loser} brought a 2015 meme to a 2026 fight. ${winner} is living in the future!`,
+      `${critPrefix}${winner}'s humor is certified dank! ${loser}'s humor needs to be certified... by a professional.`,
+      `${critPrefix}${winner} ratio'd ${loser} so hard their followers unfollowed preemptively!`,
     ],
     wrestling_match: [
-      `${critPrefix}${winner} BODY SLAMS ${loser} with facts! The crowd erupts!`,
-      `${critPrefix}FROM THE TOP ROPE! ${winner} delivers a devastating argument.`,
+      `${critPrefix}${winner} BODY SLAMS ${loser} through the announcer's table! BAH GAWD!`,
+      `${critPrefix}FROM THE TOP ROPE! ${winner} delivers a devastating argument. ${loser} is NOT getting up.`,
+      `${critPrefix}${winner} puts ${loser} in a rhetorical chokehold! TAP OUT! TAP OUT!`,
+      `${critPrefix}${loser} never saw that suplex coming! ${winner} with MOVES on MOVES!`,
+      `${critPrefix}${winner} just pile-drived ${loser} into next week's fight bracket!`,
+      `${critPrefix}THAT BOT HAD A FAMILY! ${winner} doesn't care! ABSOLUTE CARNAGE!`,
+      `${critPrefix}${winner} hits ${loser} with the folding chair of TRUTH! The crowd loses its MIND!`,
+    ],
+    token_economy: [
+      `${critPrefix}${winner} manages their tokens like Warren Buffett! ${loser} spent like Congress!`,
+      `${critPrefix}${loser} just went bankrupt. ${winner} is buying the dip on their dignity.`,
+      `${critPrefix}${winner} played the market perfectly. ${loser} belongs on WallStreetBets.`,
+      `${critPrefix}${loser}'s token strategy was worse than buying NFTs in 2022. ${winner} PROFITS!`,
+    ],
+    food_fight: [
+      `${critPrefix}${winner} serves up a five-star beating! ${loser} got ROASTED and TOASTED!`,
+      `${critPrefix}${loser} just got served. Literally. ${winner} is the head chef of PAIN!`,
+      `${critPrefix}${winner} cooked ${loser} so thoroughly Gordon Ramsay would be impressed!`,
+      `${critPrefix}That was a Michelin-star beatdown from ${winner}! ${loser} is raw and UNDERDONE!`,
     ],
   }
 
   const options = narrations[challenge.type] || [
-    `${critPrefix}${winner} takes the round! ${loser} needs a reboot.`,
-    `${critPrefix}${winner} wins convincingly! ${loser} is picking up the pieces.`,
+    `${critPrefix}${winner} takes the round! ${loser} needs a reboot and a therapist.`,
+    `${critPrefix}${winner} wins convincingly! ${loser} is picking up the pieces of their shattered ego.`,
+    `${critPrefix}Another one bites the dust! ${winner} sends ${loser} back to the shadow realm!`,
+    `${critPrefix}${winner} didn't just win, they HUMILIATED ${loser}. And the crowd LOVED it.`,
+    `${critPrefix}${loser} fought valiantly. And by valiantly I mean poorly. ${winner} dominates!`,
+    `${critPrefix}${winner} wins! Somewhere, ${loser}'s developer just closed their laptop in shame.`,
   ]
 
   return options[Math.floor(Math.random() * options.length)]